Chapter 1

1987

Hours later, alone in his study, Patrick rubbed his face and eyes. He must have fallen asleep. Slumped over his desk, he raised his head and tried to focus on the clock. His throat was parched. He reached for a bottle of whisky; the amber liquid burned his throat and set aflame his empty stomach. He moaned like a wounded animal, his senses deadened except for the fire in his gravelly throat. He wanted to scream but his lips remained sealed, pressed tightly together. He forbid the release of any sorrow. He needed to cry; his face distorted but his eyes remained dry. He was the living dead, unable to express emotion. A prisoner in his body, serving time for his sins. His body convulsed and he fell to the floor. He lay paralysed.

His eyes were transfixed. She was here. Victoria stood before him – her light blonde hair, her sparkling blue eyes, and the smile that had captured his heart. His eyes widened and his spirits lifted. Here was the woman he loved – an enchanting, beautiful, talented woman. The one who stole his heart at drama school. She was all he ever wanted. He felt blessed by her presence. He felt alive; his love had returned.

‘Vic… Vic…’ He tried to reach out to her but remained paralysed on the floor. No matter how he tried, he couldn’t move his mouth, unable to formulate the words.

Gradually, her youthful, vibrant appearance began to transform. The eyes that danced began to fade, the open smile replaced with tight, tense lips. His euphoria was dampened by the pain he saw etched on that once beautiful face. A wave of doom washed over him as he was confronted by what had gone before. What he had thrown away.

He closed his eyes, momentarily, jolted and alarmed by the images that flashed before him. Her dead body, a bloody battered mess, the blonde hair blackened by sodden blood. Her face smashed and unrecognisable. He began to scream, scream uncontrollably.